As a writer and a reader, I adore character development. If the character starts out completely who they are meant to be and there is no growth to witness, then that character is not going to be very compelling, are they? No one will relate. We want to see characters struggle and then overcome those struggles. We want to see them fail so they can try again and fail better until they succeed. It makes for a more compelling story. It makes for an inspiring character.
Look at a character that you love, that you find inspiring. You love who they've become, and how they've grown. But didn't you also love them before that too? You followed them from beginning to end and you loved them all the way and rooted for them too.
So why are we not like that with ourselves? Why do we push ourselves to keep getting to the next level and not honor who we are at this moment? As soon as we get to a new milestone, we look toward the next one. If we slip, we berate ourselves and think we went off the path. Look back and see all the progress you've made. It wasn't a straight line. It wasn't all peak points, and it wasn't all uphill, and it wasn't all downhill either. The person you are right now is worthy of love and praise. Not just the version of you that you strive to become.
We may find ourselves at sad chapters in our lives. Sometimes it's only sad because of our attitude about it. Sometimes it's sad because of loss and there isn't anything we can do to get back what we lost. Using that same analogy of an excellent book, were there not some chapters that were sad? Isn't that part of what made it so wonderful to read?
If you look at your life like a story and yourself as the main character, can you not find beauty in those sad chapters? Can you not honor the moments your character fails and the moments you aren't yet fully developed?
We often feel like we are not progressing fast enough. We feel that we are not where we should be on our path. Our ego thinks it knows better, but it doesn't. The ego tells you that you deserve better than this, that you are meant for more than this. And while your ego is telling you that you are too good for this, you actually feel lousy because you aren't where you want to be. In a way, your superiority complex is giving you an inferiority complex.
Why? Why are you better than where you are right now? Right now is the only thing that you are guaranteed to have. Tomorrow may not come. Why waste your life with thinking so miserably? Your life literally is happening right now. The only life you have. Who do you want to be in this moment?
That doesn't mean you shouldn't have goals or make plans or work towards them. Of course you can and should. Who do I want to be? I used to say I want to be an author. I want to be in better physical shape. I want to be a spiritual guide. I want to be a kooky guy that lives in the woods and talks to plants.
It's fine to want those things, but the misery comes in when we lament that we are not somewhere other than where we are right now. So instead I ask: who do I want to be at this moment?
I want to be kind and also confident. I want to be a good listener. I want to be a friend. I want to be full of love, and I want all of that to be something people feel when they are around me. All of that is possible in this moment if I let it be.
We're all writing our stories. When you see someone struggling through a difficult chapter in their life, you may not realize that is what is happening. Maybe they don't realize it either. But perhaps you could give them grace to be a character who is not yet fully developed. You don't know where they are at in their story. Give yourself the same grace. Appreciate who you are now, even if you're not the hero you thought you would be. And who knows? Maybe the next chapter will be the most exciting yet! Or maybe it will be more of the same nonsense you've been reading for the last three chapters, the same patterns and themes recycled over and over again because the protagonist is a fool who keeps repeating the same mistake. That's possible too. It's up to you really. You're the author.
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