The first anniversary of my partner's death was March 26, 2025. As the day approached, I felt sadness visiting me more frequently. I've thought about how much I missed his smile and laughter, his hugs and kisses, his presence. The night before the anniversary I was in my room, wondering how I could have possibly survived a whole year without seeing him. And did I want to survive another?  Honestly, right after he passed away, I told myself that if I really didn't want to feel the pain anymore, I could go out the same way he did. I could choose to end the pain. It brought me comfort to know I could end my suffering whenever I wanted to, even if I didn't actually want to go through with it.

Samhain, All Hallow's Eve, Dia de los Muertos... All around and in many cultures and practices, this is a time of year to honor our Dead, our Ancestors. As a witch and a blogger, I felt pressure to write something with this theme. The problem with that is that I've been adrift lately. I'm less in my head. Words feel insubstantial to express what I've been experiencing. Pretty ironic I'm feeling this way right after starting a new blog.

Since my partner died, I wake up almost every night between 3 and 4 am. This is considered the "witching hour", though it's debated. I can't say why this began exactly. The first time it happened, I experienced an ego dissolution so powerful I felt I had melted into a pool of just BEING, becoming one with the Divine within and without.

Every astrological sign has a Major Arcana Tarot card that represents it. You can easily look up what yours is. Just search "astrological signs tarot cards" and you'll see a list, plus explanations.

As a writer and a reader, I adore character development. If the character starts out completely who they are meant to be and there is no growth to witness, then that character is not going to be very compelling, are they? No one will relate. We want to see characters struggle and then overcome those struggles. We want to see them fail so they can try again and fail better until they succeed. It makes for a more compelling story. It makes for an inspiring character.

The first death I experienced was the death of myself.

I've been told again and again that my narrative needed to be told. I wondered why. Why my story instead of someone else's?